“Sometimes all you

can do is NOT think,

NOT wonder, NOT

imagine, NOT obsess.

Just breathe and

have FAITH because

miracles do happen.”

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A Matter of the Heart

by Debbie Allen

When I was only a young teen, I remember my Pastor peering over the top of his Clark Kent-glasses and addressing the congregation on ‘faith in difficult times’. In an effort to cement in our hearts a clearer picture of what that faith might look like; Reverend Massi finalized his message that day, with this quote by Corrie Ten Boom.

“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”

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“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.” – Corrie Ten Boom-

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I’ve never forgotten the wisdom in those words to this day!  My own heart has dredged them up countless times over the years, especially while journeying through my own tunnels in life.

A few years ago, I sat confidently on the edge of a cardiologist’s examination table; awaiting the results of an echogram on my heart. I started coming to see Dr. J as a precautionary measure only…or so I thought.  But she discovered I had two heart valves showing signs of leakage.  Still in shock that what I deemed my perfectly good heart, didn’t receive the clean bill of health I’d expected; I winced at her next words to me.   

“At some point in time…those valves will need to be repaired.”  

 I asked her if there was anything I could do on my own to strengthen those valves in any way.   

“No…” Dr. J replied in a very cut-and-dry tone. “Once the damage has been done there’s really nothing you can do to reverse it.”

The finality in her voice left my mind reeling and my heart pounding. Out of nowhere, Fear lurched forth to see what chaos he could contribute. Slipping-in close, he murmured his own flawed words of encouragement to my heart. “Hopeless…Hopeless…H-o-p-e-l-e-s-s!”  he jeered, at least a hundred times before I reached my car.  Collapsing down into the warmth of a patch of autumn sunshine on my seat, made me feel as though I’d just climbed into the Lap of Jesus.  In that safe place I prayed, shedding a few reluctant tears and pouring out the matter of my heart to Him.

“Lord?  Here I am. Your child…Your broken child.  I know that nothing is hopeless with You in it.  But please…show me the way through this!”

By the time my car reached the edge of the parking lot that day, my heart heard His gentle response to the tune of my own quickened pulse; “My child… sit still… and trust… the Engineer.”

I couldn’t help but smile. Through these familiar words from my teen years, the Lord let me know that my life’s tracks had led me into a tunnel.  Though my eyes couldn’t see past the darkness of right now, the Engineer could.  My part on His Train was to ‘sit still’ and ‘trust Him’.

Five-and-a-half years have passed since my first visit to see Dr. J. In all that time, her diagnosis of my heart hasn’t changed, and the cardiograms all read about the same. Even her words to me after each check-up remained the same.

“We’ll just keep an eye on things and see you next year!”   

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“Though my own eyes couldn’t see past the darkness of right now, I knew The Engineer could. My part on His Train was to ‘sit still’ and ‘trust Him’.”

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This year, however, something did change.  Dr. J entered the room in silence, studying my cardiogram; frowning, and shaking her head.  Used to being in the dark by now; I chose to use her silence as the backdrop from which the Engineer’s words resonated down inside of me, “Sit still…Trust Me…Sit still…Trust Me!”  

When she finally spoke, her words startled me.

Still scratching her head, she shared, “Your cardiogram reading this time was r-e-a-l-l-y good! I can’t understand it.  It makes no sense.”

Somewhere between shocked and elated, all I could think to say back was, “What do you think caused that?”

 Dr. J turned towards me, still pondering the results, and clamoring for the right words.  “I…honestly… I don’t know,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

Knowing the answer to my own question at that point, I offered back,

“Must be the Grace of God!”

My words ushered a great silence into the room.  Though I knew she heard me, I watched Dr. J continue trying to make sense out of solid medical facts that weren’t adding up, and the plain truth of my miracle results. I honestly believe that Dr. J left the room that day feeling more perplexed than I ever did!

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 “Often, He takes you to unwanted places, in uncharted territories for our frail hearts; just to expose His Love in you, to the empty and unbelieving souls that pepper life’s way.”

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Miracles, even small ones, and the stories connected to them draw a stark line between the doubts and denials of the unbelieving world, and the undeniable Truths of believers in Jesus.  Riding the rails of Life with Jesus as your Engineer, He promises you will see some amazing sights along the way. The mountains are high and steep, but Beauty often resides where the air is thinnest.  Countless times, He takes you to unwanted places, in uncharted territories for our frail hearts; just to expose His Love in you, to the empty and unbelieving souls that pepper life’s way.   There will be tunnels, too.  I have learned to look upon them as the Shafts of His Grace, carved by His Hand into our mountains, which reflect a picture of Jesus, carrying us through the darkness in His Strength.  In the place where our hearts can no longer see clearly; we are given an opportunity to learn what it is to ‘sit still’ and ‘trust the Engineer’.  His purposes are far greater than any mountain we will ever encounter in our life. As far as tunnels are concerned… God’s calling on the lives of His children doesn’t stop, even inside the tunnels we enter into.  Wherever we are, we are called to show the difference God makes in our life in a manner that points others to Jesus. For, sometimes we discover that it’s in the act of ‘trusting the Engineer’ in the darkness, that we become the miracle He’s performing in another’s life!

“[We are] God’s instruments to do His work and speak out for Him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference He made for you…” (2 Peter:10 b)

Father in Heaven, You are Lord over our lives whether in darkness or in light.  We will never know or appreciate Your Faithful Love in our lives until we learn to take it seriously. King David describes Your Love “as high as the heavens are above the earth.” (Ps. 103:11 CSB) It’s a Love way beyond our comprehension and ability to understand it.  But You do not ask us to make sense of it…just to ‘sit still’ and ‘trust’ in You.   Strengthen our frail hearts to see Your Hand at work in both our tunnels of darkness and our brightest of days. Teach us to see each of them as a chance for Your Miraculous Love and unfailing Strength to shine through us, into the unbelieving world! In Jesus Precious Name…AMEN

 

“The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it!” (2 Corinthians 5:17b MSG)

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“FLAWLESS”

by Debbie Allen

The Christmas music playing in the background of my Doctor’s office Waiting Room went unnoticed by the preoccupied crowd surrounding me. No one singing…just sitting in silent misery.  No one wearing smiles, just surgical masks to keep the germs from spreading. No reaching out to others in the spirit of the Season; just reaching for Kleenexes and hand sanitizers; strategically placed throughout the room. 

“Cough, sniffle, moan…cough, sniffle, groan!” These were the sounds permeating the air around me. After sitting in the midst of this symphony of sickness; I, too, found it easier to just succumb to the melody of my own misery than to continue straining to hear the Christmas music playing, through two plugged ears,.  I marveled at how easily we all exchanged the joyous sounds of the Christmas Season, for the pressing demands of our own immediate circumstances, especially in light of the prayer I’d just prayed earlier; asking God to “…reveal Himself to me in some special way during this Christmas Season.”  Of course, I assumed He’d wait until I was well to do His ‘revealing’ to me but… that is not God’s way.  He chose instead, to use my untimely sick-umstances as His sounding board for the Season!

Reaching for another Kleenex, I caught sight of two figures entering the waiting room. They weren’t the only people to enter the waiting area that morning, but they were the only two people I paid any attention to.  I could see they were father and son. Mom hurried into the room a few minutes afterwards. The father clasped his son’s hand tightly, while helping him into a chair across the aisle from me. After plopping him into the chair with great difficulty, the father sat down next to him. Then he turned to his son with a reassuring smile, asking, “Are you ok, Little Buddy?” His very words captured my attention because my husband and I often referred to our own boys, while they were growing up, as “little buddy.” However, this man’s “little buddy” was not a small child. I guessed him to be in his mid-fifties; and his Dad appeared to be in his eighties. This Little Buddy’s life also stood out as having been that one baby out of 691 babies in the United States every year, to be born with Down Syndrome. My initial reaction was one of compassion for both Little Buddy and his aged parents.  I even uttered a silent prayer, “Lord, please ease their burdens…bless them in this Christmas Season and beyond. “Opening my eyes and looking again in their direction, I saw Little Buddy flashing a crooked smile back at me; almost as if he somehow knew I’d just finished praying for him.  I returned a smile and then my eyes dropped back down into my magazine. Though my eyes retreated from this scene, my ears were still fully engaged in the conversation that took place between Little Buddy, his Dad, and a total stranger sitting on the other side of them.

Wriggling free from the jacket that bound him, Little Buddy proceeded to ask the stranger, “Did you know…I’m…I’m the present under the tree to my Dad and my Mom?”

Before the Stranger could even respond, Little Buddy added with enthusiasm, “And I’m the Christmas present and it’s about to be Christmas!”

“Well…Merry Christmas to you…” the Stranger responded to Little Buddy with a toothy grin.

“And congratulations to you, sir!” he added, reaching over to shake the Dad’s hand, with a wink.

Taking his son’s hand into his own, Dad reminisced for a moment, then fondly shared with the stranger, a story that Little Buddy had obviously, heard multiple times throughout his life.

“Yes…Curtis came to his Mother and I on the wings of many prayers.  We tried for over twenty years to have a child of our own…but couldn’t. We saw Doctor after Doctor; Specialist after Specialist, over the course of the next few years but, still nothing. We didn’t give up, instead…we dropped down to our knees.  There we stayed and there we prayed for a son so-o-o special that no other parent in this world could possibly raise him and love him like us. Those prayers were answered over fifty years ago.  On that Christmas Morning, Curtis’ Mother and I tip toed downstairs to open up all our packages; but we found one gift under the tree. Puzzled, we both knelt down beside it. It was beautifully wrapped in gold foil and tied up with red ribbon and a sprig of fresh holly. To our astonishment, we both heard something moving inside of that box! The tag attached to it read,

To: The Most Wonderful Parents in the World        

 With Love From: ???

Before revealing who the package was from, Dad stopped short, grinning.  Then he turned towards Little Buddy, asking, “Curtis…what was the name on the gift tag again? Who was it from?”

Obvious that this was a favorite part for him; with eyes wide opened and like a little child, Curtis blurted out, “GOD!  With love from GOD!” “And I’m the present under the tree to my Dad and my Mom…and it’s about to be Christmas!” Almost as soon as Curtis spoke these last words to the man on the other side of them, a nurse called his name out; motioning him in her direction.

Lifting my eyes from the magazine once more, I watched Dad pull Curtis back up onto his feet.  They exchanged a cheerful “Merry Christmas!” and a handshake with the stranger, then headed toward the nurse.  I watched Curtis wrap his fingers tightly around his Dad’s hand, like a little boy not knowing what lay ahead.  Dad steadied his own eighty-year-old legs as Little Buddy pressed into him heavily, in an effort to find support for every difficult step he took towards the nurse.  Mom walked on ahead of them both, still daubing her eyes with a tissue. Watching her, I had to wonder…was it the Dad’s beautiful telling of this aged couple’s life quest for a child that set Mom’s tears off?  Or were these the left-over tears from a long-ago sadness mingled with the joy they now shared in a Season so precious to them all? 

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“Moments that should’ve been filled with bubblegum cigars, laughter, and joy were instead, replaced with the words,‘ Down Syndrome,’ reverberating in the depths of their souls.”

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Though I can’t speak for this Mom, I know it must have been difficult to have traded away all of the dreams they dreamed as a young couple for their child, for this very unexpected reality they’d faced. I can’t imagine what thoughts must’ve gone through their heads in those first few moments after giving birth.  Moments that should’ve been filled with bubblegum cigars, laughter, and joy were instead, replaced with the words, Down Syndrome; reverberating in the depths of their souls.

Yet…I find it amazing that Dad’s story never reflected that place of pain and suffering where this couple’s journey began. It didn’t dwell on the countless tears that must’ve been spilled over the years, or the death of all their own dreams in life.  Dad’s story celebrated the new birth of an only son, a gift God gave them one special Christmas morning, in answer to their endless prayers for a child of their own! Not just any son, but “…a son so-o-o special that no other parent in this world could possibly raise him and love him like them.”

In spite of all the uninvited complexities that accompanied raising their special needs child, and the unforeseen sacrifices required of them for more than five decades; Dad’s precious story only reflected this couple’s choice to celebrate their son’s birth…believing with all their heart that Little Buddy had a story worth sharing with the world; not in spite of his disability but, because of it.

I watched Little Buddy leaning heavily upon his Dad, fingers still entwined. My final glimpse of the two of them, was of them struggling, one painful step at a time, down the trail of tears Mom left behind on the carpet; following the nurse down the corridor.  The very sight of this trio in that hallway, remains forever-etched on my heart. Never have I ever been so keenly aware that I was beholding something very, very, precious in God’s Sight.  As I watched their silhouettes disappear into the dimness of that corridor, I heard God Whisper one word down into my spirit, “Flawless!”

Within the next few moments, I felt God’s Hand writing His Christmas story on my heart.  It was anything but typical. There was no stable to be seen, just a dimly lit, Doctor’s waiting room.  No Angels singing from the realms of Glory; only muffled Christmas carols, drowned out by a symphony of sickness. This scene was missing three Wisemen bearing gifts; but offered me three wise strangers, bearing unseen gifts from their hearts to mine. I never saw Baby Jesus laying in a straw-filled manger; but, without a doubt, Jesus was present right there in front of me… living, moving, and breathing inside each of these gentle, strangers!

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“Never have I ever been so keenly, aware that I was beholding something very, very precious in God’s Sight!”

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Though some time has passed since this day, I’ve never lost the feeling of having stared right into the faces of Faith, Hope, and Love in-the-flesh! Many in the waiting room that day, may have considered these three gentle strangers to be just another of this world’s flawed pictures in life.  However, God revealed them to my heart as “Flawless.” I understood right away what He meant.  Consider the way that the father, wholly and unconditionally, loved his only son…remember the way Little Buddy clung-to and leaned into his Father, trusting him for every painful step he trudged into the unknown…and marvel at the way Mom chased after new and enduring hope, in spite of setbacks and her own trail of trials and tears. This scene is not a picture of flawed living. It’s a grand reflection of how each of us are called to live out our lives before others; especially in light of our flawed world.  We are to become someone else’s living reflection of Faith, Hope, and Love; no matter what life throws our way.

Those three wise strangers who crossed paths with me in my doctor’s waiting room; unknowingly, left behind three of the most precious gifts that I, or any of us, could ever receive.  Beautiful stories of Unwavering Trust, Undeniable Love, and Unswerving Hope. Together, they unite to become the indisputable reminders to our hearts that the Heavenly Father’s Love is still alive, active, and living on this earth.

 Faith…Hope…Love…never forget them.  They are Flawless Gifts from the Heavenly Father’s Hand to our frail hearts.  Gifts He chooses to use over and over again in our lives…to reflect Himself-in-us to others; and to sustain and teach us as we journey steadfastly through this flawed world; down the paths each of us are called to walk on in this coming New Year. 

“…the earth is filled with His Tender Love!” (Psalms 33:5 MSG)

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PRAYER- Dearest Heavenly Father, New beginnings usher in new Hope for all our tomorrows, as yet, unseen. Help us to shift our focus as we step into those tomorrows, enabling us to see more than just the immediate circumstances surrounding us. Supply us the strength and compassion to become those Gentle Strangers in the lives of others; choosing to be someone else’s Faith…Hope…and Love gifts, left behind in this flawed world. Reflecting You, Lord, should be our greatest priority in this New Year. May we do so with Grace and Humility. Make us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful You have prepared for us in the days ahead! In Jesus Name…Amen.