“All the best sands

of my life are

somehow getting into

the wrong end of

the hourglass.

If I could only reverse it!

Were it in my power

to do so, would I?”

–Thomas Baily Aldrich–

The Wrong Side of the Hourglass

by Debbie Allen

There is nothing more frustrating than watching a loved one in a nursing home, being cared for by someone who may, or may not…genuinely care for them. 
After breaking a hip, due to a fall, my mother ended up in a care facility for a short time of rehabilitation. Though she wasn’t there for an extended period of time, her stay was long enough for me to observe that there is a definite difference between truly caring for someone with love…and caring out of obligation or duty. 

My dad stayed ten to twelve hours by my mom’s side every day she spent in that care facility.  He had A LOT to say (not so nice sometimes) about every pill she swallowed, every meal delivered, and every nurse and therapist who dared to cross the threshold of her room. Though his brazen tones with the staff embarrassed me more than once; I soon realized that perhaps I was watching my dad’s own rough-cut version of love in action.  After spending a lifetime together, he understood my mother well. When the nurses came in every morning to throw the blinds open and flood her room with bright sunshine; they thought they were doing mom a favor. On the other hand, my dad, who darkened the room again when they left; understood my mom’s heart and knew the anxiety (due to Alzheimer’s disease) it caused her when she perceived the whole world was suddenly watching her.   When the physical therapists came in, their methods often meant with a few of my mom’s adamant “noes” when it came to finishing her exercises. But instead of chiding her for her lack of cooperation, my dad reached up and stroke her arm to calm her down; telling her in a mild tone, “Just one more time, Shirl…one more time, for me.”

To everyone’s surprise, though with great difficulty, she managed to finish a set of six different exercises!  Why did mom do them for my dad, and not for the therapists? I believe she knew she could trust dad to take care of her. Multiple times he’d proven himself to be for her not against her.  In her own childlike way, mom still sensed the stark difference between being on someone’s checklist…and being in someone’s heart.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“When it comes to how we’re being treated in life, the heart knows the difference between just being on someone’s checklist…and being in someone’s heart.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

One of the most endearing scenes I witnessed during mom’s stay in this facility happened around dinnertime one day.  I stood in the doorway while a nurse set a tray of dinner down on a bedside table.  I watched my dad, who was sitting in my mom’s wheelchair, roll himself under that table until he sat knee-to-knee with mom. In any other setting, a stranger walking by would’ve perceived this scene as a romantic dinner for two.  Soft music played in the background… low lights in the room…fresh-cut flowers on the table…and both their hands lovingly, entwined. But given a second glance, one would soon have noticed that in the dimly lit room of this care facility, there was no candle light; there was only the truth to shed its light on the unplanned reality of this tender moment between them. 
Dad reached over and tucked a napkin under mom’s chin; and placed a straw in her glass of milk. Her sunken, brown eyes watched his every move. Making no effort to eat or drink on her own, dad began to cut her food up and feed it to her one spoonful at a time.  Five or so bites in, a scowl, pursed lips, and arms folded across her chest let him know she’d had enough.  Though he again offered her a bite of everything on the plate before he finished-off the rest of it; mom spoke a firm “no”.  That’s why it came as such a shock five minutes later, when she cried out angrily at my dad, “Stop! You ate it all…where’s mine?”  

Because mom was so used to seeing dad split a plate of food between them in restaurants; as she watched him take that last bite, she assumed he’d just eaten up both halves and forgotten her altogether!  As I explained to her that she’d already eaten, my dad only had one thing to say, shaking his head at the irony of it all.

“Sure seems like all my sands are gathering in the wrong end of the hourglass.”

One week after speaking these words, my dad pulled mom out of the care facility and took her back home to recuperate in familiar surroundings…or so he thought.  The first morning they were home, mom sat sipping a cup of coffee across from him at the kitchen counter.  All seemed as it should be until she looked up with a blank stare and asked my dad, “Do you know where my husband is?”

Though mom snapped out of this momentary lapse of memory later that day; her words still continued to haunt my dad because he knows it will happen again.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Sometimes it seems like the shifting sands of our life are gathering in the wrong end of the hourglass.“

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There is nothing more devastating than being forgotten after pouring your heart and life into another for the span of a lifetime.   Sometimes, the sands of our life can feel like they are falling down into the wrong side of the hourglass. Though it may feel like time is slipping away from you, every grain of sand falls with great purpose and at just the right time. God is the Keeper of our sands and is aware of every tiny grain that falls through our hourglasses, from conception to old age and beyond.   Especially when we are facing heartrending circumstances and watching the pieces of the life we once loved and deemed beautiful… slowly turning to ashes. Though we on our own, cannot make sense of the painful circumstances pulling us under; God uses such times to make space within us…the space He needs to expose our helplessness and capture our attention; in order to speak a little deeper to our writhing hearts.

When I consider the pain of the moment my mom forgot who my dad was even after a lifetime spent together; it brings to mind the depth of pain God must feel when He looks down upon us and sees the Spiritual Alzheimer’s that grips our hearts and how often we forget Him in our life.  You and I are so important to God that He can’t stop thinking about us!  We are told in His Word that God’s thoughts are as numerous as all the grains of sand on the earth! (Psalm 139:17-18).   The One Who pours His Goodness into your life from conception to your last breath, also has you in His Heart. His greatest desire is that you choose to let Him (Jesus) live inside your heart.  It’s the most important decision you will ever make in your life.

Sometimes our life’s sands can feel more like sink holes.  But the more we struggle in our own strength and wisdom to try and save ourselves; the greater our chances of being consumed. Whether you have 60 minutes of sand sifting through your hourglass, or 60 years’ worth; you still have time to reach out and take hold of God’s Hand.  His is the only Hand that offers you Hope for your hopelessness, Peace for your life’s pieces, and Beauty beyond measure in exchange for your life’s ashes. Don’t forget God…He’s given His whole life for you. Time is so precious. Live and love in it wisely or someday you won’t just feel that life has left you on the wrong side of the hourglass; you may discover that all of your life’s sands have piled-up on the wrong side of Eternity…for an eternity.

“Know God, Know Peace!

No God, No Peace!”

–author unknown–

PRAYER:

  Dearest Heavenly Father and Lover of our souls… Help us to recognize when we allow Spiritual Alzheimer’s to overtake us.  Forgive us for forgetting You, the most precious of our treasures in life.  My heart knows well that you hold each of our life’s sands in your Mighty Hands.  Out of Your Love and Abundance, You’ve poured just the right amount of time into each of our life’s hourglasses.  No more and no less…for the things You have called us to do in this life.  Your greatest desire for us is that we choose to walk with You for all the days of our lives.  Help us to choose wisely, and grant that as we look back over the horizon of our life’s sands, we will see two sets of footprints in the sands where we walked…for You walked beside us from the very moment we invited you to journey through life together.  Thankyou, Jesus…for the priceless Gift of Your Presence, now and for all eternity. 

In Jesus Precious Name…. AMEN